Why Goals Fail (And What You Can Do Differently)
Setting goals is as old as time. A quick search will pull up hundreds of thousands of articles and hundreds of book recommendations on why they are important and how to set them. So if we know why it’s great to set them, and we have the frameworks on how to set them properly (like SMART or SMARTER goals), why do so many of us give up on them?
James Clear, in Atomic Habits writes, “Winners and losers have the same goals. We don’t rise to the level of our goals; we fall to the level of our systems.”
In other words, the end goals are just the tip of the iceberg. The real work—the time and energy—should be spent on building the habits (or systems) that create the desired results.
Even knowing this, it can still be hard to stay on track. Why? Because humans are future-oriented species fueled by emotions. When we feel happiness and pride, we want more of that in the future, so we keep doing the things that bring those feelings. When we experience sadness or pain, we want less of that in the future, so we avoid the actions that caused it. It’s a built in survival mechanism.
So we’re conflicted—we are future-oriented beings living in a culture of instant gratification. On social media, in magazines, podcasts and on TV we watch people seemingly living the end results we hope to one day achieve. Everywhere we turn, we are sold the promise that we can get there in just 30 days or with only 10 minutes a day.
Some take the first big step and set goals. A few go further by breaking them down into actionable habits. But when we put in the work for 30 days and see no results, combined with watching and listening to people ‘around us’ that have seemingly done it, the emotional response of pain and discouragement kicks in. We stop the habits, and as a result, we fail to achieve our goal.
But there’s hope. It is possible to set goals and increase the likelihood of achieving them, and it all starts with awareness.
Awareness: The Foundation to Rewiring Our Brain
Recognizing that we’re wired a certain way—and that the era we live in is crossing those wires—is the first step. Social media, TV, movies, podcasts and the constant feeding of highlight reels of others’ lives leads to comparison and eventual discouragement. This comparison kills the joy of slow, steady, and consistent habits that are the key to success.
Everyone has a different tolerance for consuming this kind of content, but one thing is certain for all of us: too much will derail our progress.
Shifting Focus: It’s All About the Future
You reap what you sow. To stay motivated while sowing, your motivation has to be tied to a future vision you desire through emotions and not to the feelings we experience daily.
Here are two exercises to help you connect your goals to the emotions you’ll feel when you achieve your vision:
Write a Letter to Your Future Self: Imagine yourself down the road a few years, five, ten, or twenty years in the future. What does your life look like? Who have you become? What have you accomplished? What relationships do you have? What values guide you? Reflect on your proudest moments and how you feel about your journey.
Write a Legacy Statement: Think about how you’d like others to describe you at a party or family gathering. What would they say about your character, values, accomplishments and the way you showed up every day in their lives?
By completing one or both of these exercises—and being brutally honest about what you truly want—the emotions that are going to fuel motivation and consistency will begin to emerge, forging a strong connection to the daily commitment required over the coming months and years.
Reading your letter or legacy statement as frequently as possible and pairing that habit with reading your goals, is the bridge to the gap between setting goals (using frameworks like SMART or SMARTER) and the science behind the motivation and consistency needed to accomplish them.